I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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