summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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