you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
