After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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