The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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