If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
