It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
