is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
