How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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