I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
