i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
