the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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