you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
