he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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