Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Randomize
