I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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