I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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