I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
