Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
