The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
