When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
