i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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