Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
