I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
