he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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