So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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