honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
