all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
