i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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