First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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