Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
