Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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