She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
