I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
