you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
