every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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