He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
