Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
