At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
