u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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