I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
