I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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