i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
