then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
