one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Are my feet made of real feet?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
