dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
