Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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