what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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