Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
