Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
