The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
