I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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