she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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