walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
