yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
