just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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